Another complication developing…

I have suffered with many forms of mental illness over my lifetime, but I have found my coping mechanisms and manage them on a day to day basis. More recently, I have actually been focusing on healing from my trauma, in an attempt to move forward with my life rather than repeating the past, and I had naively begun to believe that it was working.

In a meeting at work, I can’t remember the exact topic of conversation but it was definitely work related, and I suddenly spaced out. I was looking at myself from the corner of the room, and I recall just suddenly thinking “I’m dissociating” and it pulled me back to the present. Being on a video conference call, it took all of my focus and energy to not freak out then and there. I hadn’t dissociated like that in years, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what had triggered it. About 20 minutes later, I felt myself start to slip again, this time however I caught it just before I went and pulled myself back to reality. Having no physical way of being able to escape the meeting I had to endure another 20 minutes of repressing my torture.

How do I find the trigger in such a mundane conversation about a work topic? How am I supposed to try and heal from something that I cannot find the catalyst of? Let’s just add this onto the ever growing plate of crap I have to currently deal with in life *facepalm*

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