I have no idea how to start writing this. I’ve mulled over it for so long now, thinking of the best way to begin, but opening up like this will never be easy, so I guess I just need to dive right in. I never thought I would have to write this, but the time has come and I feel the only way I will ever come close to getting closure, is by putting it all down in words. The unspoken words that you will never see. I need to do this for me, to give myself the best chance at moving forward in my life. Not move on, merely forward, as I know there will never be a time when I am completely over you. You shattered me, meaning shards of my heart will always be yours.
From the first time we spoke, I knew there was something different about you. I wonder, if I had known then what I know now, would I still have gone down this rabbit hole? The answer is probably, yes I would. Because for that short time, I was happy. I would rather be broken than have never met you. I’m still confused about why I wasn’t enough for you. For a year, you treated me different to everyone else, made me feel as if there was something special between us, and the night that we almost kissed will forever be burned into my memory. I know if we had kissed, then this would be so much harder, so in a way I am grateful you pulled away. You made me feel as if I was on top of the world. And that is exactly how far I fell. Like Icarus flying to close to the sun.
I wonder if you know you broke the unbreakable girl? I bet it stroked your ego and fed your narcissism to know you held that much power over me. No matter how much time passes, I will always have a weak spot for you. And it’s killing me. People have asked me, why you? Honestly… I don’t know. Why did I not go for the sweet guy, the one who thought the world of me. The one who treated me so well, and loved me more than I deserved. I could have been happy with that life, right? So why did I go for the mysterious stranger? The man who exuded a dangerous vibe, who’s charming smile and curious mind attracted me like a moth to a flame. I fell for the one who set my world on fire and watched me succumb to the flames. Now it is time for me to rise from the ashes of us. It’s funny though, a part of me still pathetically hopes it is you and I in the end.
I still miss you, but rather than being all consuming, now it’s just a dull ache. I am slowly healing. You will always be important to me, and I don’t think that will ever change. I will forever be a phone call away, should you ever need it, but this is the end of our chapter. Not the end of the story, but it is time to turn the page. You’ll always be my favourite chapter, the one that I will re-read for years to come, cherishing the tears that fall and cling to that crack in my soul.